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Bonus Material for Holy F*%&
TILL THE END
Before reading this, please read Holy F*%$.
Chapter 1 Faye sat in the passenger seat of Lincoln's white 2002 mustang. It was one of her boyfriend's prized possessions, even though it felt like it was falling apart. But as high school students, it didn't matter the state of his car as long as he had one. As they drove through the parking lot, taking a long way around to receive as many envious glares as possible, Lincoln finally found a spot in the back and parked. The car jerked and sputtered as it died. "Think you might need to get it checked out." Faye casually suggested. "No, she's fine." 'She' as in the car, which was adequately named, 'Spitfire.' Lincoln grabbed their bookbags from the backseat. He handed off hers, "Game day." He grinned. As the quarterback of their small-town football team, the town relied on him to bring them to the semi-finals, which had never happened in the history of Cape May. But with Lincoln at the helm, anything was possible. She learned not to doubt his positive drive over the last two years of their relationship. Faye stood and faced the school. Her dream played out in front of her like a foretelling prophecy. The meteor had hit right at the football field, and a wall of flame had swallowed the school within seconds. The smoke had been so massive it was like a black wave rolling up into the clouds, big enough to block out the moon. A hand pressed on her stomach as a wave of nausea bubbled. A small, unheard burb crept up in her throat, and she kept her lips tight, pushing it out through her nose. Acid reflux had begun caused by the fetus growing inside her. Two months in, and it was already causing her physical problems. The mental issues had started playing with her since she had sex. Lincoln stood beside her, "You okay? You look sick." Faye hadn't told Lincoln about her pregnancy mishap because he wasn't the father. She swallowed and pressed a smile to her painted maroon lips, "Yeah. Just forgot to eat." He rolled his brown eyes, slipping an arm around her shoulder, "I don't know why you do that. You look good, Faye. You could even gain a few pounds. Wouldn't hurt." Faye pulled her ponytail out, flinging it over her shoulder. She adjusted her short red cheerleader skirt before she wrapped her arm around his waist. His letterman jacket was bulky but she loved him in it. They were a power couple, and she let it ease her stress as they walked into school. The fans weren't too far behind. "Gonna win for us today, Lincoln?" a student shouted. "You know it!" Lincoln shouted back. It was like that walking up the sidewalk till they joined the crowd of football players. She released him with his pack, like a wolf rejoining his lost family. They patted each other on the butts, bumping fists and jumping with crazy excitement. Faye giggled as she casually joined her own flock of cheerleaders. Every morning was the same, but on days like today, it was a frenzy. Usually, this was the kind of day she looked forward to because they weren't nearly as dull. But there wasn't enough strength in her to be perky and wild. She was exhausted. Her dream left her feeling every bit of shame she could muster. The sound of a skateboard perked her spirit, and she spun her head around just in time to see Xander. Dressed in combat boots, black jeans, and a black Metallica sweater, Xander jumped, kicking the skateboard into a spin, and slammed back to the ground, balancing perfectly. But it was only for a moment before a teacher jumped in front of him. Xander pressed on the back of his skateboard and caught it. Mr. Hartford had a vendetta against Xander because he believed the teen had vandalized his house for Halloween. But as it were, there was no proof, and he couldn't pin it on him. "Do you want another suspension?" "Three days off school? Sounds great." Xander kept walking. At the last second, he glanced toward her and caught her eye before disappearing through the doors. Her dream reminded her of what it felt like to be near him. It's been two months since she had felt his lips on hers as they made love in his father's trailer. It had only been a few hours of intimacy, but it was enough to find her in the middle of class, at dinner, during practice, and the worst, when she was with Lincoln. She thought of Xander even when her boyfriend was kissing her. Heather nudged her, gaining her attention, "Do you want to practice some cheers before school starts?" All the girls were waiting for her approval. She was cheer captain, and she made such asinine decisions like that. On a scale of one to ten, how important were their cheers? But the words stayed buried behind her lips, and she nodded. As they passed the open doors to the school, Faye peered in, hoping to snag a glimpse of Xander, but he was gone. Faye blindly followed them to the gym. She dropped her bag along with everyone else's and stood in front of the twenty members of the cheer squad. They all looked at her and waited. "I got to pee." She announced suddenly, dashing out of the gym and going through the hall through the locker room. She found an empty stall and shut the door, and her forehead fell against it. It was a stupid dream. It doesn't change anything. Faye decided to stay with Lincoln, have sex with him tonight, and pretend the baby was his. It may sound selfish, but it was the best for the baby. Lincoln would be a great father. He'd have a job and a place in the community. Their life together would be fun and full of laughter. Xander was an unruly delinquent that constantly got in trouble with the law. Which just so happened to be her mother. He smoked cigarettes, probably did drugs, and drank. He more than likely wasn't going to college not only because he couldn't afford it but because he refused to take tests with any sense of seriousness. There was nothing about him that shouted 'Husband material.' Logically it made sense to stay with Lincoln. But the problem was the not logical part. "Faye?" Heather called, "You okay?" Then she leaned in and whispered, "You having morning sickness?" "Shut up." Faye bit back through clenched teeth. She didn't need anyone overhearing and starting a nasty rumor then, it would be all out of her hands. Lincoln would know she cheated because they hadn't been physically together yet, and she was technically still a virgin, according to him and her mother. "You need some water?" The caring in Heather's voice eased her aggravation. "No, I'm fine. Thank you. Just some time." "Okay." Faye listened for Heather's footsteps to dissipate before she flung herself out of the stall. Faye wasn't an emotional person. Her mother taught her to suppress her feelings at a young age, allowing her to deal with situations without freaking out. It was the stupid dream that exposed her irrational feelings for Xander and turned her methodical, detached walls to mush. A text message beeped as she washed her hands. She was hesitant to answer because chances are it was Lincoln wondering where she went or her mother telling her she'd be late to the game because she typically was. Faye leaned against the counter and took out her phone. It was a message from an unsaved number. Once more, the question was asked, 'Did you take the test, Faye? What did it say?' She closed it, closing her eyes, scared to answer. What would Xander do if he knew? In her dream, he had kept quiet. But would real-life Xander be okay with her pretending Lincoln was the father? Another text, and she almost wanted to ignore it. Faye held it in front of her face and read it. 'You didn't look good this morning, are you okay?' She squeezed her eyes shut, curling her fingers around the phone as if she could break it into pieces. This was the problem: Xander cared about her. He may not give a rat's ass about anything else, but he cared for her. And in her world, where she felt invisible, that meant something. Faye hated him for it. Faye deleted the messages, shoved her phone in her pocket, and left the bathroom. She had things to do. She couldn't waste her time with this. She was only eight weeks pregnant. She didn't even know if she was gonna keep it. "There she is!" The girls called, and thankfully a smile came to her effortlessly. She drowned herself in the habitual movements of cheer, glad she had something that could help. She worked her body till there was a sweat, and the unbearable pressure in her gut faded. The girls slapped hands when they finished the last bit of practice. They were ready for tonight regardless of whether the football team came through. "Isn't that Xander Jones?" Faye snapped her head to the entrance. Xander stood there with his bookbag slung over his shoulder. His skateboard clutched in his hand, held against his hip as he pinned Faye where she stood. "Why is he staring at us?" Leslie questioned. "He's not staring at us," Another pointed out. "He's staring at Faye." The girls all turned to her. Chapter 2 Faye licked her lips, her mouth dry and suddenly so parched as she met the dead glare of Xander. She could feel all her peers' attention, forcing her to act and say something normal. "He's got stalker vibes all over him." There were collective giggles, and they turned their gaze back to him, eyeing him with suspicion. "Don't give him attention. He probably feeds off of it." "I wouldn't mind." Leslie grinned, flicking her brunette ponytail over her shoulder and pushing up her breasts. "He's got bad boy written all over him." The girls fell into each other, laughing. That was the appeal, wasn't it? He was stupidly attractive even if his hair hadn't been washed, and he smelled like smoke. It was the tattoo on his neck or the black nail polish on his fingers. But there were also so many things to dislike, like how misery drolled off him like sludge. Faye loved being with Lincoln. He made every day an adventure. If not with his silly comments, then with his energy, always keeping her smiling. The bell rang, and the girls filed past him, some eyeing him, others completely ignoring him, while Leslie made sure to step as close as she dared, meeting his green eyes. She winked before stepping by him. He scrunched his nose at her and then returned his gaze to Faye. Faye pretended to be searching for something in her bag. Heather pulled at her arm, but she made some excuse that she had forgotten her homework in Lincoln's car. "Alright, I'll see you in class." Faye nodded and waited until Heather left the entrance to stop her search. She sat on the bench and observed Xander as he stepped toward her, slow and unsure. They were the only people in the gym now, but it didn't mean it would stay that way. He sat on the same bench and pretended to tie his shoe, "Are you gonna answer me?" The smell of cigarette smoke hid under the scent of his cologne. It reminded her of the trailer, wrapped up in his bedsheets. "What does it matter?" Faye got out her phone, flicking randomly through Snapchat. He was silent after that, and she stole a glance at him. "What?" "So you are." He sighed heavily. "That's not what I said." "You didn't say no. You wouldn't be ignoring me if it was a no." In her dream, Xander had already found out. He had followed her up to Make Out Pointe, where she intended to sleep with Lincoln. Would this Xander do the same thing? What do I pray for? "It doesn't matter because Lincoln is the father." Xander snapped his head toward her. She could feel the rage even as she ignored it. Her gaze focused purely on the picture before her but saw nothing. She wondered if he noticed the sudden shake of her hands. She dropped the phone in her lap, reaching into her bag for nothing so she couldn't see his face. "You–" He cut himself off before he dropped his head in his hands. His nails dug into his skull. "You slept with him." He whispered. Her brows knit at the pain that sounded in his voice. Tears sprung to her eyes; no matter how much she blinked to keep them at bay, one slipped out, but thankfully it went unseen. She wiped it on her shoulder, a natural movement that could be anything. "I don't believe you." Xander stood up suddenly, and she watched him teeter from one foot to the next before he slipped his hands in his pockets, stilled, and met her gaze. He firmly repeated, "I don't believe you." Faye got up, "It doesn't matter what you believe." She pulled her bag over her shoulder, "Leave me alone." She went past him, but Xander gripped her arm, spinning her to face him. "I didn't come to your house and get your bed. So don't you act like you feel nothing for me." Faye yanked her arm free, sneering at him. He pointed in her face, "And you better be damned sure I'm not gonna sit by and let you pretend this kid belongs to anyone else. You have one week to tell him. Or I will." When a kid entered the gym, Xander stepped back, snatching his bag off the ground. Faye was frozen, the threat looming over her like an asteroid from space. He hiked the skateboard up on his shoulder and backed away, making sure she understood his threat. He turned and stalked out. Faye reached for the bench as her knees gave out, and she collapsed against it, a hand pressed to her mouth in panic. The gym filled with kids, none daring enough to come up to her, but they all eyed her, whispering to each other, wondering what the cheer squad leader could possibly be upset about. Why was he doing this to her? Didn't he realize she was already going through so much? How could he add to it? Faye took note of the whispers around her and quickly got to her feet with her bookbag over her shoulder. The second bell rang, telling her she was late to class, but she didn't care as she traveled the empty hallway, her footsteps becoming more determined with every second that passed. She wasn't going to let Xander take control away from her. It was her life he would destroy, and she would fight it with everything in her. Her footsteps slowed as she reached the door, and a realization hit her. This is the dream. The meteor was the baby. Her future was already destroyed. What mattered now was what she did next to pick up the pieces. In her dream, she was so determined to keep it from Lincoln. She had even been willing to sleep with him to pretend it was his. And though the thought was terrible, she was sure it was her only choice. But there was another. Faye walked passed her classroom. Her heart pounded in her chest as she came to the door of Lincoln's room. She could see him through the glass. There was a moment to back out, but Xander had forced her to take control of her life. And this was the only to do it. She waited till his eyes landed on her. His brows were knit, and he quickly asked to use the restroom. The moment the door opened, "Are you okay?" He reached out to touch her, but Faye stepped backward. The movement hurt him, she knew, but it was minuscule compared to what she was about to say. "I don't know how to say this. But I have to." "Okay. Say what?" Her brows knit as the tears began. Lincoln trusted in her so much he didn't even expect her to say, 'We're breaking up,' which usually started with, 'I don't know how to say this.' He had no idea, and she was about to destroy him. She was his meteor. "I…" A door popped open and Xander stepped out. As the door shut, he continued his stare, hopeful yet concerned. He stepped toward her but stopped, unsure how to support her and what she needed. Lincoln mumbled under his breath, "Freaking weirdo. He's just staring at us." Her head bowed. The words were lost on her lips, and she didn't know how to tell him, how to ruin their whole future. It wasn't fair, and she couldn't. Faye turned around to face Xander, shaking her head. Tears dripped down her cheeks, and she begged with the slightest whisper of 'Please.' The concern turned to anger. Xander backed away, disgusted with her, his heart so clearly breaking by her inability to do what he wanted from her. He slammed his fist into a locker and took off running. "Do you know him?" It was like the dream. Lincoln had asked that, and the word 'no' had been so easy to say, so she opened her mouth and said it, "Yes." The word shocked her. She flipped her head toward Lincoln, his eyes on her. He took in her tears, the grief in her eyes, "How?" Her brows depressed, "We were friends when we were kids." She admitted. "What's he pissed about, Faye?" Her lips trembled, "I slept with him." "What?" He took an unconscious step back. "When?" Her knees trembled, "Two months ago." "Two–" Lincoln's voice broke off, and his hands went to the top of his head. "Holy fuck." Faye stepped toward, "I'm sorry." She gripped his shirt, trying to catch his eyes, but he stared at the ceiling, breathing heavily, like the pressure of the world was coming down on him, and he didn't have the strength to repel it. "Why?" He managed to get out. "I don't know–" Lincoln dropped his arms, shoving her hands away as he put more space between them, "Why? Why!" His scream echoed down the hall. Faye tried to approach, tried to quiet him, but he slapped her hands again. "Don't touch me." The door to the classroom opened, and Mr. Hartford peered at them. "What is going on out here? Get in here, Lincoln, and you, Ms. Gerald, get to class now. Unless you want to be in detention for the game tonight." Lincoln stepped by her. Faye tried again, fingers gripping his red football jersey, but he ripped out of her hold and dived into the room. She watched as he collapsed in his seat, folding his fingers in front of his face and staring out. Mr. Hartford quipped once more, "Get moving." She backed away, a hand over her mouth as a sob escaped. Chapter 3 Faye sat in the main office with her arms and legs crossed. Her jaw was tired from the constant clenching of her teeth, but it didn't stop her. She glared at the door, wondering if she could run. Who would stop her? Certainly not the overweight secretary. Her mom came through the door dressed in her light blue police uniform. Her hands rested at the helm of her waist, a big black belt that was more like a tire wrapped around her. Her brunette hair was in a tight bun, making her face look fatter than it was. Faye told her mom countless times wearing her hair like that was unattractive. Ms. Gerald entered the office with her arms up and her eyes wide, "What the hell happened?" Faye turned her face away. She wasn't about to say that her teacher didn't like it when she told them to fuck off. Not one of her proudest moments but there weren't many things she was proud of these days. Principal Howard called them into the room, and Faye fell into the chair with a loud, irritable sigh. "Oh, boy." Her mom mumbled, "You're in rare form today. Sorry, Principal Howard. She's not usually like this." "And I'm sorry to call you in, but I figured she might need someone to talk to. I know Faye, and this isn't her." Faye hated them. None of them knew her, not Lincoln, not her mother, and definitely not the fucking principal. And Xander? The principal got up and closed the door, giving them privacy, but Faye didn't want privacy. She turned her eyes to her mother, "Don't you have work?" "What is with you? You have been so angry the last few weeks. You keep telling me everything is fine with Lincoln, school, and cheerleading, but if everything were fine, you wouldn't be having these childish outbursts." "Childish?" Faye bit bitterly. Here she was, trying to hold her life together as it was slowly falling to pieces and her mom had the audacity to call her childish. It was another piece of wood to the fire, and there was nothing she could say otherwise because whether her mom wanted to admit it or not, it wasn't any of her business. "I might be able to help." The murmur was soft, and in the middle of the chaos that was her life, it could break her into giving in. Because the truth was she did need help. "What are you so mad at, Faye?" You Me God But there was no good answer because it didn't matter what she was mad at. She couldn't fix anything, and she didn't know what she would fix even if she could. Would she undo what she'd done with Xander? Would she go back and lie to Lincoln? Would she get rid of the baby and pretend it never happened? Would she tell her mom how emotionless she felt because of everything she expected out of her daughter? That Faye didn't know what she wanted out of life anymore because she had spent so many years trying to please her mother? Loud voices broke through the door, and Faye's mom got up from her chair, her hand on her gun. "Stay here." She ordered, but Faye was already on her feet and followed her. Kids were racing by, and the yelling sounded more like cheers. The principal was trying to get through the crowd, but it was thick and frantic. From a distance, Faye found Lincoln and Xander in the center of a human ring. They each took a turn punching one another like a UFC fight. They held their fists in front of them, taking jabs and backing away until Lincoln had enough and barreled into him, knocking Xander to the floor. He grabbed him by his black shirt and smashed his fist repeatedly into Xander's face. The principal broke through at that point, screaming his name, daring enough to reach for his arm. His football buddies now came forward, separating them. Lincoln shoved them off and stood there like a raging bull. He huffed with eyes full of murderous intent. Ms. Gerald got through the crowd swiftly and took Lincoln by the arm, keeping him from further attack. Someone helped Xander to his feet, but blood leaked from his nose, and he spat it from his mouth, leaning over so it would drip on the floor. "To my office, the both of you!" Principal Howard ordered, pushing Lincoln forward, and a line departed for them. Lincoln headed toward Faye. As silly as it was, she thought about hiding, but her feet were glued to the spot. Lincoln clenched his teeth, his hands in balled fists at his side. He ignored Faye as he stomped into the office. Xander wasn't far behind, ushered in by her mother. A bunch of towels had been given to him, and he pressed them against his face. As he neared, he noticed Faye, and it was only a glance, one he broke as soon as he met her gaze. Faye followed behind her mother, watching the two boys sit in the chairs in the office. Ms. Gerald invited herself in, "I bet it was Xander. Believe me. I've arrested that boy three times in the last six months." The principal seemed to agree, "It is odd of Lincoln." Mr. Howard sat at his desk, "Tell me what happened." He flicked his hand toward Ms. Gerald and the door shut in front of Faye's face. A selfish thought passed through her. What if they tell her the reason they were fighting? Faye pressed a hand to her belly. Maybe it was better this way. But what could be good about it? Faye's mother would disown her, throw her out, and act like she was no one's daughter. It may have never been said, but it was behind every word. 'Don't be dumb, Faye'. Every warning that ever crossed her mom's lips was on repeat. Faye sits like a stone, unmoving and stiff. If her mother found out, then what was the plan? Faye hadn't yet thought of that, yet it came to her now. She'd stay with Heather till she saved enough money for her own place. But then what? After the baby was born, would she be able to work? Childcare was expensive. She'd live paycheck to paycheck, never doing anything she wanted or planned, and instead become a miserable old woman like her mother. The door popped open within minutes. Too soon in Faye's opinion. Xander stood in the open doorway. He had dried blood sticking to his chin and down his neck, but the bleeding had stopped. He looked past her, a spot just over his shoulder that received all his attention as her mother cuffed him. She was frozen, unable to protest or think. Lincoln remained impassive in the chair with his arms crossed. He glanced at her but then thought better of it. "What's going on?" Faye finally managed to weasel some words out of her tight throat. "Xander admitted to starting the fight," Her mom smugly said. "He's gonna be going to jail for a few months this time. Doubt daddy will be able to afford your bail once I speak to the judge." Fayed searched Xander's impassive face, trying to find an explanation. She knew he didn't start it even though it was easy to believe. Why would he admit to it? Why would Lincoln let him? It's the dream again: Xander being taken away and Faye doing nothing to stop it. "Mom." "Out of the way, Faye." Ms. Gerald took ahold of Xander's shoulder and steered him forward. Faye stumbled to the side, her legs numb and heavy. She slapped a hand to her mouth, brows knit with confusion. Faye knew what she wanted to do and what she should do, but she didn't know how to do it. How did she break her silence and expose her secrets? The principal walked with her mother, thanking her for her service. Faye hated them for believing the lie so quickly. He wasn't a bad kid despite what they thought. "Faye," Lincoln called. They were at the front doors, slipping further and further away. "Faye." Faye turned toward him. Lincoln was watching her with black knit brows. "Why?" The same question he's been asking. Why did she cheat? The answer wasn't a pleasant one, and it was one more thing she didn't know how to say because it would require her to admit what she didn't want to admit. "Do you love him?" That's what it all came down to, wasn't it? Everything she felt while lying in bed with Xander, every time she'd see him walk past her in the hall, the moments in class where he would catch her eye; it all came down to that one emotion she had learned to cut off. "Yeah." She managed to say, sniffing as more tears dripped down. Lincoln gripped his head, "God damn it." He shoved out of the chair and skipped by her. Because of confusion, Faye followed him, jogging to keep up the pace. "Wait!" He called, slipping out the doors. A half a second behind, Faye shoved outside, watching Lincoln waves his arm and call her mother again. "Wait, Ms. Gerald." He slowed his approach and admitted, "He didn't start it. I did." Faye's mom didn't readily believe it and shut the door to her police cruiser regardless. "He confessed." "I know. But he owes me, so he said it was him. But it was me." Principal Howard chuckled, "Why would you start a fight?" "He…umm." Lincoln looked over his shoulder, glancing at Faye. The answer was obvious, but he couldn't tell her mother. "He said we were gonna lose tonight. And I, uhh, hit him. Just excited about the game, I guess." "Lincoln." The principal groaned, "Oh, man. Now I got to take you out of the game. Come on, let's go call your dad." He gripped Lincoln's arm pulling him toward the school. Faye wanted to reach out to him, thank him, but Lincoln smiled at her and shook his head. The smile meant everything. He was angry, but he wouldn't stay that way. Lincoln never stayed mad for long, another thing she loved about him. The principal opened the door for Lincoln, "It's not like we were gonna win anyway." The principal looked behind him, "Let Xander go, Ms. Gerald. Thank you!" Faye's mom hesitated, no doubt trying to think of something to pin on the boy, but she sighed and yanked the door open. "Get out." She pulled his arm roughly till he was on his feet. She mumbled to herself as she unlocked the cuffs, "I'll get you another time." Xander smirked but said nothing, rubbing his wrists as he walked toward Faye. Her gaze was desperately yearning for him to look at her, talk to her, anything to know he wasn't angry at her. At the last moment, his gaze caught her, a second of eye contact till he glanced back at her mom, reminding Faye that she was watching before he moved past her, going into school. "Faye, let's go. I'm taking you home for the day. Maybe you need some time to chill out." No. I finally realize what I need to do. Faye backed up. "Faye?" Faye spun to the doors, slamming into them in her sprint. Students were milling about, glancing at her. She paid attention to no one, even when one of the cheerleaders tried to come up to her and ask about Lincoln. She pushed by her, scanning the area, but Xander could take too many paths. "Xander!" She shouted. Students turned to her questioningly. She slipped through them, around them, "Xander!" The door to the bathroom opened. Xander came out as he wiped the rest of the blood off his face. "What?" He tossed the pink towel in the trash and slipped his hands into his pockets. His green eyes finally met hers. Fayed walked to him till she was a few feet away. Xander glanced around them. There were a ton of people, but none of them were listening. There were bruises on his cheek. A bit of swelling around the nose, but he was used to it. "Guess you told him." She nodded, "yeah." "Now what?" With a shrug, she insanely chuckled, "I don't know." "Have you made an appointment yet?" "No." "Well, you need to be careful. Eat good. Sleep." Her brows knit. Like in her dream, his care was constant even as the world was changing around them. Deep in her soul, Faye knew that even though Lincoln was fun and sweet and her best friend, what was lacking between them was deeper, something that not everyone finds in life. Xander was the boy of her dreams. There was a good chance that they wouldn't be rolling in dough and going on grand adventures but having a baby together was adventure enough for now. Faye stepped forward; her belly rolled in nervousness as she got only inches away. Her fingertip touched his black sweater. Xander looked down at her. With every second she stood there, his walls were slipping. "Are you sure, Faye?" He whispered through tight lips, "Because I'm not gonna let you go again." Tears rolled down her cheeks. She always knew he pushed her away when they were kids to protect her. Even at that age, she was his priority. Words were stuck in her throat of all the things she wanted to tell him, all the dreams she had of him, all the times she tried to break away and talk to him. But words weren't enough now. She needed to show him. Xander slipped a hand against her cheek while the other rested on her hip. "Even if the world ends tomorrow. You understand me, Faye? We are in this till the end." A sob/laugh broke through, and she nodded rapidly, wanting nothing else. Xander pressed his lips against hers.
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